I just write to hear myself "talk" don't I ?

The other recipe..

Eggnog Cheesecake

1 can (13.5 oz.) Pepperidge Farm French Vanilla Pirouette Cookies

1/2 Cup graham cracker crumbs

1/4 cup butter, melted

2 - 8 oz.packages cream cheese, softened

2 Cups cold egg nog

1 1/3 Cups cold whole milk

2 packages (3.4 oz. each) instant vanilla pudding mix

1/2 teaspoon rum extract (or vanilla or even almond)

1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1 Cup heavy whipping cream

Cut each cookie into two 2 1/2 inch sections; set aside.  Crush remaining inch pieces.  In a small bowl, combine cookie crumbs, graham cracker crumbs, and butter; press into the bottom of a greased 9 inch spring-form pan.

In a large bow, beat the cream cheese until smooth.  Add egg nog, milk pudding mixes, extract and nutmeg & beat until smooth; set aside.

In a separate bowl, whip cream until stiff peaks form.  Fold whipped cream into pudding mixture and spoon over crust.  Cover and refrigerate 6 hours or overnight.  Prior to serving, remove sides of pan and arrange reserved cookies around cheesecake by pressing gently into the sides.

Couple of recipes that you might like to try -

Eggnog Cupcakes

The Cupcakes

1 (16 oz.) package of pound cake mix

1 1/4 Cup Egg Nog

2 Large Eggs

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Beat all ingredients together at low speed until blended. Increase speed to medium & beat 2 minutes more.  Place baking cups into muffin tin and spoon batter into cups.  Bake for 18-20 minutes or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean.  Transfer to wire rack; cool completely before frosting.

Frosting

1/2 Cup butter, softened.

3 ounces cream cheese, softened

16 oz. powdered sugar

1/4 cup egg nog

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

Beat butter and cream cheese until creamy. Gradually add powdered sugar alternating with egg nog, beginning and ending with sugar and beating at low speed. Add nutmeg and vanilla extract, beat until smooth.  Spread over cupcakes.  Sprinkle w/ ground cinnamon or colored sugar.

Will do the other one later.

and it changes THAT fast...

After I posted the last entry just a little bit ago - I felt this swing occur inside of me - it's a mind thing but it always feels like it's my heart that is involved.  The mood swing, the depression set in, just like that "snap".  What irritates me is people who think depression is an excuse. Or the one suffering from it is lazy - or something along that line.  What I do know is that it feels like someone out of the blue just kicked me in the chest...the sadness is prevalent.

To show how my mind works - I started to think about my mother's "family".  

For those of you who don't know - I do not acknowledge them at all, I've recently (in the past year or two) started maintaining email contact w/ my mother.  I haven't seen my mother since 1996.  I haven't spoken to her since then either.  In fact she didn't even know I where I was or anything until I started maintaining email contact w/ her.  There are a lot of things that occurred over my childhood that I have trouble forgiving her for.  I'm trying. It's a slow process.  To me just the email contact is a big step -

My mother's sister, brother and their families I have absolutely no contact w/ at all.  I have no desire to.  I don't know how to explain what the deal is w/ them; one day maybe I'll be able to formulate the words that are needed - I don't have them right now.  Just anger.

It's 2:43 a.m. I've been up since midnight - it's the hot flash, leg cramping thing that happens every night about the same time, isn't that strange?  so i get up because I don't want to wake up C. and I play Farmville, I look for recipes, take the boys out, write in my blog.  I'll probably go back to bed within the next 30 to 45 minutes.  See if I can get a little more sleep. 

The temperature's here are in the 40's I think tonight, absolutely lovely weather LOL  - I'm serious !!  I love it :)  after the months of being miserable w/ the heat and humidity it's finally beginning to feel like Fall... 

I put a batch of Pinto Bean Soup w/ Smoked Ham Hocks in the crockpot yesterday morning and baked a pan of Cornbread in the evening - and I don't mean the boxed kind of cornbread, but the cornbread from scratch.  To me it turned out great.  I don't know how much C. liked it.  I asked her and she said it was good.  Well, "good" to C. could mean all kinds of levels of appreciation or "I'm just saying it's good so you don't dump the bowl on my head" kind of thing.  Her mother spoiled her too much growing up about what she eats and it's really irritating at times because I miss a lot of the foods I used to eat.  I haven't been out to a chinese restaurant in forever - she won't go.  BUT I despise mexican/tex mex food w/ a passion, yet when she wants fajita's I will go with her and eat that disgusting stuff, but will she go eat Chinese w/ me? nope.  She says I can go alone if I want to eat it.  Sounds fair doesn't it?  Whatever.

I'm out of here.

One of my dreams -

As far back as I can remember I have had this fascination with Great Britain - enveloping England, Wales, Scotland.  I have no idea what the draw is really but it's something that's way deep inside of me, it's like I'm supposed to go there, does that make sense?  Do you know what a "lodestone" is?  In my mind it's like the north position on a compass - it always swings back there.  I really have no desire to go anywhere else (clarification, my desire to go anywhere else in Europe is almost non existent) compared to Great Britain.  My bloodline are from Hungary pretty much but do I have a desire to go there? nope.  England it is.  :)  

 The pictures above are of Cornwall - there is a lot of myths, legends and ghost stories associated with Cornwall, it's beautiful - to me.

 This picture is from the other side of England - Northumberland, granted it's a romanticized picture, yet even without this aspect of the photo - it's still beautiful.

The above photo's here are of Scotland -

 And these photo's are 1.) of course the too recognizable "Stonehenge" and the one below is of Wales...

Quite a few people don't care for cold weather and rain, but I like it, I'm the most comfortable in that climate.

One day, hopefully I will get there.  I hope it is before I'm too old to appreciate it.  Too old to be able to do what I wish.

For some reason it scares me to think that I will never go there.  Isn't that strange?  I have no idea where that fear comes from but it does.

Going to go now.  Sorry about the strange post today - it was something I felt I needed to bring notice to - not for you all, but for myself.

Thoughts, Wishes & Worries

What does Autumn make you think of?  What does it make you feel within the general scheme of your life?

To me, it's a time of snuggling in, of comfort - I don't know - hope?  Some people could/would look at it as a time of decay, of endings.  Sometimes if I really look out there in the world I wonder if it's more of the latter than what I see and feel it as.  I think all my life I've pretty much looked at it as the time when I can unwind & get rid of all the tension that Summer has left.  I guess it's because I really, REALLY don't like Summer at all, I never have as far back as I can remember and I can remember a long way back in my life.  Winter has the same effect on me it's comforting.

Being in Texas is a very foreign concept, I've been here a few years now and it's never changed.  Granted when I first came to this god forsaken state I lived in the South Eastern part of Texas and the only thing good I can think of about the Eastern Part that I live in now is that it is colder during the Winter.  Or at least it has been in the past.  This year has been disappointing.  I keep waiting and waiting for the temperatures to actually drop and stay dropped. For the freaking humidity to STOP.  After months of dealing with upper 90's to the 110's w/ feels like temperatures of total misery the wait is really getting to me.  I'm a cold weather person, always have been and I've never been able to abide heat OR humidity (desert or tropical).  So I'm putting it out there in the Cosmos for the temps to please get to where I can be happy.

The only reason I'm here is because of C.  if it weren't for her I'd be back in Oregon faster than you could blink.  I miss my mountains, the ocean (the seaside in Oregon is so absolutely beautiful, no you can't swim in it ::this is because the Alaskan Sea runs right into it:: but you can walk on the beach for long distances, you can hear the wind blow, at times see the whales migrate in the distance, watch the seals when they come onto the beach, large rock formations that when the tide goes out leaves tidal pools full of little creatures, sit on petrified logs that have washed up on shore from goodness knows where...)

I miss downtown Portland with it's richness of culture, of acceptability (yes there are those that aren't so acceptable but the majority is and that's what counts)  I miss the coffee houses, the bookstores, the restaurants, Saturday Market (it's really open on Sat & Sun but that's what it is called).  It's a wonderful place.  Yes, it has it's share of crime etc. I love the rain there - it's not like it is here, you rarely get thunderstorms in that part of the state, occasionally yes - but mostly not.  The rain is a gentle rain for the most part and you don't get the humidity like you do here in Texas.

They have elections today (I think it's today) and I'm not very enthusiastic about it.  It's going to wind up being the same 'ol, same 'ol - Rick Perry (he's a freaking arrogant JERK) I can't and won't even go into detail about him, just look him up on the internet.  Bill White the democratic runner for Gov. he seems like a nice enough fellow & has some good ideas.  The area of Texas I live in is ultra conservative in almost all areas. ( 9 out of 10 to give you an idea)  religious freaks control everything - they won't admit it and it's not a "known" thing but you know they do.  It's not right nor fair.  Old money controls this county too.  Everything is about church, schools (I'm going to put this out there and it may offend some of my friends that are parents - BUT, as a "single" ::in the eyes of the government AND most heterosexual's eyes:: non breeder ::I haven't had kids, never wanted them:: ::and no that doesn't make me a selfish, ungrateful, unnatural female, it means I had the sense to not get into that situation even if I were straight::

Why the hell should I pay taxes for schools?  Make the people that have children pay the taxes...you have more kids you pay more taxes, I don't want your burden.  Believe me there are A LOT of single, unmarried and married people that feel that way that haven't had kids, it's not just me.  I also resent paying taxes etc. when I'm not afforded the same rights and perks as heterosexuals.  I wonder how many businesses that are out there that are adamantly against gay people - would turn away their money? oh, they will take your money, smile to your face and wish you were dead behind your back and behind those fake smiles.  

I'm sorry if that sounds kind of bitter but the truth is  - it's really like that and unless you are gay/lesbian - you don't really "know".  You may think you know, you may empathize, you may support the gay/lesbian causes - but unless you live our lives you can't know. not really.

I'll shut up now.

Please don't be offended by anything I've written.  I'm venting and looking inside myself and out at the world.  The world isn't that appealing right now.  I'm frustrated and irritated.

Hopefully today will be a better day.  I hear thunder in the distance.  It sounds comforting.

This is what C. and I spent our time doing this weekend pretty much.  The new Fable 3 for X Box came out - C. was up almost all night on Saturday playing this game, I had gone to bed at 9 p.m.  But then with the Menopause I was up again at 1 and went back to bed at 3.

Sunday night was hard for me - October 31st Heathen passed on at 8:45 p.m. 2 years ago last night.  I know I keep talking about him but I think I always will.  It's just the way of things with me.

Today has been very quiet for me.  Haven't been feeling that well with both my tummy and a "right there" Migraine but not quite there.  It's November 1st and it's muggy as heck here in Texas.  it's about 76 or so.  Thank goodness it's not in the 80's or 90's.  I want the COLD to get here darn it.  You know, real fall weather and winter time.

Was reading earlier where Portland was getting oodles of rain.  I miss that place.  I miss home.

I have no idea what is going to happen with the elections here in Texas.  I want Bill White to win for Governor, Rick Perry is a egomaniac and he has a whole lot of old and new money in his back pocket.  He is the most arrogant, obnoxious, self serving individual that has ever been in elected office outside of George Double yah Bush. but that is only my opinion.  I'm also hoping that the religious zealots in this county are beat and they allow alcohol to be sold here.  That I don't know about either.  It's a truly pathetic state.

I'm out of here. Already texted C. and told her I wasn't cooking dinner...it's cereal or sandwiches or nothing.